GerIta- Expecting.

The water of Feliciano’s shower suddenly turned cold, he gasped slightly in shock as he realised he must have finally used the last of the hot water. He took a moment, gritting his teeth, to rinse the soap off his arms and his unshaved legs. He’d have to wait and shave them in the morning when the water heater was working again.

He left the shower and stepped on the scale, watching the dial spin, he bit his lip, hoping the needle would stop on a lower number than it had the day before.

Feliciano huffed softly as he read the numbers on the scale, shaking his head as he stepped off, he took one of the yellow towels that hung on the wall next to him, rubbing it into his hair.

“I don’t understand it,” he said softly to himself as he walked back through to the bedroom, throwing the towel on the floor and sitting on the bed. He crossed his arms, looking over at Ludwig sadly, “I’ve been following the diet you put me on, and I’ve been doing the exercises you asked me to, but I’m still gaining weight…” he whined softly, flopping back on the soft bed, “I don’t get it Ludwig…”

Ludwig hummed and frowned, lifting himself up to pick up Feliciano’s towel and put it in the linen basket, “Are you sure you’ve not been sneaking snacks Feli?” he said with a soft smirk. He leant back against the wall and observed his boyfriend, carefully looking for changes in his body.

The smaller man looked up at him, smirking, “I am sure, Ludwig,” he chuckled, “You’ve cleaned out all my hiding places anyway.”

“Feliciano have you been taking your pills?” Ludwig asked, a sudden serious tone to his voice, taking a step towards him.

Feliciano sat up, frowning slightly, “No, you know I haven’t, Luddy,” his frown deepened, “…You don’t think it’s because of that do you?”

Ludwig shook his head, thinking everything out for a moment before saying anything, not wanting to upset Feliciano unnecessarily.

At least once per day for the past week Feliciano had complained of feeling sick, and that his breasts had been hurting, so much that he’d had to stop using his binder inside the house.

“…Feliciano, perhaps you should take a pregnancy test,” he said softly, not knowing how his partner would react to the suggestion.

The small man frowned, his breath hitching, “B-but… Ludwig we’ve been using condoms, I can’t be pregnant, we’re always careful.” He sat up on the bed, paling, he shook his head quickly “I-I can’t, it’s impossible, Ludwig.”

Ludwig held up a hand to calm him, “You’re probably not, Feliciano. But it might be a good idea to check,” he frowned softly in thinking, “We might have one in the storage cupboard.”

He quickly left the room, leaving Feliciano sitting on the bed to ponder his situation.

Pregnant?

No, he couldn’t be, he simply couldn’t. This was the last thing he wanted, he was meant to be meeting with a psychologist in two weeks time to discuss the possibility of going on testosterone.

This was the worst possible thing that could happen, the worst possible time. There was no way he could be put on testosterone if he were pregnant. Not for another year at least… He’d already waited so long.

He felt his throat constrict and heard himself let out a soft whimper, he lifted himself further onto the bed and curled himself up, he closed his eyes, feeling instantly sick.

He squeezed his eyes tighter shut as he heard the wooden door squeak open and Ludwig step onto the carpet, he forced himself calm, and willed his eyes open again. “You found one?” he whispered softly.

Ludwig nodded and handed it out to him, “Yes, here,” he held it out for him, waiting patiently for him to take it.

Feliciano let out a short sigh and sat up, unable to talk through fear of crying. He took the test, his eyes cast down, and walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

He wasn’t sure if he could will himself to take it, he knew he had to, but it seemed a daunting task.

Ludwig leant outside the door, biting his lip hard. He knew how hard this would be for Feliciano… in all honesty he didn’t think they were ready for a child. He wasn’t sure how to bring up the subject of abortion, if Feliciano was pregnant, he knew how his partner felt about it, but he wasn’t sure if he could face watching Feliciano go through a pregnancy, knowing how he felt. He couldn’t let him go through this.

He jumped slightly as he heard the door unlock, he opened the door to see Feliciano walking across the room, sitting on the side of the bath and putting his head in his hands.

“Feliciano,” Ludwig said as he walked into the room, sitting next to him, “Are you ok..?”

“Three minutes,” Feliciano said in reply, “We’ve got to wait three minutes.”

Ludwig huffed softly, moving to take Feliciano’s hand, “Feli, I didn’t ask how long, I asked if you were ok… Please.”

The man shook his head, “Of course I’m not ok, I might be pregnant, I don’t want to be pregnant, I can’t be a mother, Ludwig.”

Ludwig stared at his feet, he could barely bring himself to speak, he chewed his lip and exhaled slowly, gripping his boyfriend’s hand tightly and curling his toes, doing everything he could to summon the courage to speak.

“…We could get an abortion?” he managed to say weakly.

Feliciano yanked his hand away, getting to his feet, tears falling down his face, “No,” he said loudly, “It’s against my religion Ludwig, you know that, I can’t.”

Ludwig frowned, gritting his teeth and saying something he’d instantly regret, “Being transgender is against your religion, Feliciano.”

“No!” he screamed back, “No! Father said that God only wants people to be happy, and if I need to change myself to be happy then that’s ok! This is different, Ludwig, this is so much different!”

He felt himself breaking down, his breath quickening and short sobs crawling up his throat. His legs shaking to the point where he could no longer stand, he lowered himself to the ground, burying his face in his hands.

Ludwig’s breath hitched, his throat tightening as he watched the man fall to the floor, “…Fe-Feliciano… I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you.” He stared down at him, unsure what to do, how to calm him, “…Feliciano, please.”

He wasn’t sure how long Feliciano sat there, he didn’t dare move or touch him. He let Feliciano calm himself and sit back up, wiping his eyes and sniffling.

Feliciano panted softly, beginning to feel more like himself, he looked up at Ludwig, frowning, “Ludwig… If I am pregnant, we’re keeping the baby, I-I know it’ll be hard,” he swallowed hard, getting to his feet, “But I have to,” he smiled softly, “You always used to say that you had always wanted to be a dad, and now you can be, right?”

Ludwig exhaled slowly, reaching out to take Feliciano’s hand again, his eyes trailing up his body, “I just want you to be happy, Feliciano… This won’t make you happy.”

The smaller man shook his head, wiping his eyes again, “I want to be a father too, Ludwig, I-I know I never wanted to carry a child, but I did want one… It’s only for nine months.” He let out a small chuckle, “I’ll be like a seahorse,” his smile widened, “I bet I’ll get to be on TV too, it’ll be fun.”

Ludwig tried to smile, giving a small nod. He glanced down at his watch, “It’s been three minutes,” he said bluntly, now simply wanting to get it over with.

Feliciano nodded, smiling again, seeming a lot happier now that he’d had some time to get over it and get over the initial shock.

“Ludwig,” Feliciano cooed, “Be happy, you might be a papa…” He walked to the sink and looked at the pregnancy test, his breath hitching, he swallowed hard and looked back at Ludwig. “L-Ludwig,” he whispered, “Come and look,” he let out another slight chuckled, raising his hand to his mouth, he kept his eyes set on Ludwig as the taller man got to his feet and walked over, looking at the result.

“Oh Gott,” Ludwig said softly, “W-we’re…” he huffed slightly, a smile pushing its way onto his face, “I’m going to be a father… Feliciano, we’re going to have a baby.”