I try frantically to clear my head, ‘imagine a meadow on a sunny day…’ I think to myself, repeating it. I don’t normally get flustered like this, but it is my first day at a new school; a situation that most young adults are intimidated by.

‘Should I take another pill?’ the thought popped into my head.

No, you shouldn’t.

Why?

Side effects!

See, I’ve already taken two of them, my doctor does say to take one if I feel overwhelmed, but I think three of them might be too many for one morning.

I count myself as an almost normal teen, only two reasons stop me from considering myself as completely normal. The first being that I am in foster care, (as mentioned in the pre-face) and the second being that I am incredibly smart (also mentioned in the pre-face).

There’s also the depression thing, but I don’t count that as being ‘un-normal’ – my doctor said that the statistics are something like 1 in 4 for mental illness. Whereas the statistics for kids-in-care are more like 58 in 10,000, and that is a big difference.

The smart thing seems to be a personal bias, but still, I’ll count that.

It’s because of these two things that I’m starting this new school, and also the reasons I’m so nervous; Ipsum North is quite a prestigious secondary school, the uniform alone cost my foster parents over one hundred pounds (holy hell right?!). So I guessed that the school would be filled with snobby teens, the sort that I normally can’t help making a snide comment towards, which normally results in me either getting in trouble with my ‘parents’ or getting myself beaten up(always the best part of my day).

I’m scared of making a bad first impression.

I inhale a deep breath as I slide open the old front door to enter the building; the opening hallway is a large, well-lit chasm, with wood panelling and pale green paint, I’m not the type to believe in ghosts, but this place has got to be haunted. I almost cough as the smell of old paper mixed with teenage sweat quickly fills my nostrils (Yuck), I clear my throat in an attempt to clear my head(as if that would work) as I walk down the hall to find my new classroom(yay!). Helen had told me that the form room was number 92. It took me about 5 minutes of searching to find it, she should really have given me better directions.

I can’t help but close my eyes as I knock on the door and wait for an answer, I’m invited in by an old-ish blonde haired guy(his eyes kinda creep me out, I don’t know why.), I assume this is the teacher. He tells me to stand in front of the class; I always found this the most humiliating part of the whole ‘new-school-routine’, it always makes me feel like a calf in a petting zoo or something. I comply and stand next to the teacher’s desk and look out at the students; some just look bored, some are chatting with their desk partners.

“Alright class!” The teacher yells in an attempt to get the class’ attention; it half worked, so the teacher starts talking in the hope that the rest of the class will begin to pay attention soon, “This is Zachary Baker, he’s a new student, I hope you’ll all make him feel welcome. Umm, let’s see…” He looked around the room, I could see people’s eyes darting away, not wanting to be the one stuck with the new kid (Social Suicide!).

He’s finally decided on someone, “Joey, I’m giving you the joyous task of looking after Mr Baker for his first week.” He points me toward a rather pretty brunette girl.

I pull out one of the empty plastic chairs and sit down, I swore I heard the girl whisper “for god’s sake…” before turning and smiling.

“Hi, Zachary wasn’t it?”

I smile as the teacher hands me a writing book, “Zach, actually. You’re Joey?”

She grunts happily and nods, “Short for Josephine, nice to meet you Zach. We’ve got science in 20 minutes, room 233, I’ll show you where it is, and you can hang out with my friends and me at break and lunch if you want.” As she speaks she shoots a large, fake smile at me, I hate fakery, but I’m determined to make friends at this school; it seems to me that because I’m a foster child and have no professional contacts, I don’t have as much of a chance of getting a high paying job in later life as these rich snobs do. This school is the perfect opportunity to meet someone who was from a rich, well-known family, now hopefully that person would be smart as well, but really, that would just be an added bonus.

I nod and am handed a few more brightly coloured books by the teacher, I flick through one of the textbooks as Joey starts to try and engage me in small talk, “So, how come you’ve moved here?”

I sigh lightly, I’ve always hated explaining how I’ve ended up in this mess; it’s only ever made people feel sorry for me, which is something I hate even more. “I’m in foster care, my new ‘family’s’ here, so I had to come here too.”

It appeared on her face; that look that makes my stomach turn, the one that says ‘Foster care? You poor boy.’

Joey cleared her throat, at first I think she might be thinking about what to say next, maybe avoid the subject, but no, she comes out with “Why are you in foster care? If you don’t mind me asking.”

I shake my head dismissively, “I’d rather not talk about it.” I realise this might stop the conversation altogether, so I quickly change the subject, “So what’s it like here, the teachers aren’t all like this bozo are they?”

Joey chuckled, “It’s alright, Mr Kole’s alright once you get used to him, you’ll love our English teacher, she’s amazing… And she’s quite pretty, if you’re into that sort of thing.”

I like Joey, I like her voice, it’s kinda girly, but a little deeper than I’d expect.

I’m a little confused: Joey seems to be moderately interesting; normally the person chosen to lead the new kid around the school would be either the teachers favourite student, or the ‘geek’ of the class. Joey doesn’t really seem to be either, and as we continue talking I notice that what was originally fakery, is starting turning into a slight, but genuine interest.

We leave the classroom a few minutes later, laughing at a joke Mr Kole had made; although it was not supposed to be a joke, it was still bloody funny. I blindly follow Joey as she leads me up some stairs, I’m trying to focus of not sounding like an idiot, and not falling over as we walk.

“233 is just round the corner at the top, here.” She turns as we reach the top of the stairs and she opens the door immediately to her right, she led me to my seat, between her and a tall, blonde haired boy. “This is Bruce, he’s my best friend, so be nice.”

I smile as I hold out my hand, “Zach Baker, nice to meet you.” Bruce takes my hand and shakes it firmly, nodding happily.

The lesson is centred on combustion, a subject I find incredibly fun, however I don’t get to participate in the practical part of the lesson (Damn it). The teacher, Mr Tracie, pulls me aside to ask ‘if I was doing all right’, “I know how the first day can be rather stressful, especially in your situation.” I find myself frowning; ‘your situation’…

He continues despite my obvious discomfort.

“I realise that being from a children’s care home, especially a poorly funded one, might make you feel self-conscious around all these public-schoolers, but-”

I cut him off there; I don’t buy into all that elitist sounding drivel.

“-Sir, I fail to see why my situation would make me anymore stressed. I’m fine, but thank you for your concern.” Mr Tracie smiles gloomily and tells me to go back to my seat, so much for getting people to like me.

I walk back to my seat and sit down, “He’s a little rude isn’t he. Did you hear him?” I mumble to Joey and Bruce, as they scribble down notes about the qualities of magnesium.

Joey looks up at me from her work “Yeah, subtlety’s not his strong point, not a nice person; he’s had Bruce on the verge of tears before.” Bruce’s jaw drops and he slaps Joey playfully on the arm “Oi, you’re not supposed to tell people that!”

It was the first time I had heard him speak; he had a lovely singsong voice that seemed to invite conversation. “Why was that then?” I asked, trying to not sound too interested.

Bruce shrugs, looking down at the floor “Nothing really, just some stupid thing.”

Joey chuckles, another oddly girly noise, “Bruce worked for ages on this project in year 7, and Mr Tracie said it was crap.”

Bruce starts to comb his hair with his fingers as he explains, “Actually he said ‘I’m going to give you an A because you’re obviously the only person here who didn’t get any help from their parents’…”

I laugh; I can’t help it, “Oh that’s horribly funny.” I start copying notes from Joey and try to strike up a conversation with Bruce, we seem to be getting along rather well until I wander onto the subject of Bruce’s home life and his answers start to become short and snarky- I don’t want to cause an argument on my first day, so I drop the topic. What I can guess from the answers Bruce gave me was that he is an only child from a rich family whose parents don’t pay a lot of attention to him. He seemed like the perfect person for me, as my contact. We have a lot in common and Bruce seems to have a nice ‘feel’ about him; trusting and friendly combined with intelligence, and not that snobby kind of intelligence that I had expected, but a sort of timid intelligence, as if he’s not aware of how smart he really is. He’s perfect. I smile as Bruce tells yet another terrible joke; “What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? El-if-i-no.” The joke makes Joey laugh loudly (apparently she loves terrible jokes), coaxing a ‘Shhh’ from the teacher, we dipped our heads, almost synchronously, and we continue talking in hushed tones.

“How do you come up with those?” Joey whispers, grinning widely, “You have different ones every day, you can’t be making them up.”

Bruce chuckles (Singsong, love it!), he’s still scribbling notes in his incredibly neat script, “Mum and dad got me a new laptop after their trip to Sweden, I get downloads from a website.” I would make a comment about Bruce being spoiled, but I realise from the boy’s tone that it was a pity present, my best guess would be that the poor kid had been left pretty much on his own for a week or so, probably in the care of some semi-evil relative. It occurred to me that Bruce’s use of humour was as a defence mechanism – I know I do it myself. I smile to myself; Bruce really is perfect.

I’m getting ahead of myself now, I can’t help it, if I find someone who I like who’s nice in return, suddenly my mind starts thinking we’re best friends. God I’m an idiot.

I didn’t even realise I did this until after I started taking those mood equalisers.

If I were to cross one of my ‘best friends’ in the street they would ignore me. I didn’t realise that the reason they ignored me was because they didn’t care.

I guess I just kinda fade into the background, and one of the things about depression is that you want to fade into the background. You want to stop existing.

So it would suit me perfectly that people who I hung out with would treat me as if I didn’t exist.

But when I started taking the mood equalisers I realised the truth.

That I didn’t want to not exist.

So anyway, we fumbled our way through science, or more correctly; Bruce and I did the science and Joey fumbled.

Bruce would smile at Joey when she got something wrong, saying “Silly little rich girl,” in a playful baby voice. I could tell my presence was hampering the conversation, but I couldn’t really help that. I was determined to have some real friend so help me god!

“Bruce!” She says, frowning as she hits him playfully. This seems to be a normal practice between these two, gentle physical abuse. Is that normal, between friends? It’s not something I’ve heard of.

“Don’t be so sexist!” she continues.

“I’m not being sexist, just pointing out facts.” Bruce reaches out and tries to ruffle Joey’s hair, and she waves her arm furiously in an attempt to stop him.

Feliciano rolled over on the bed, nuzzling into the man who lay next to him, inhaling his sweet scent, “Buongiorno Ludwig,” he said with a sigh, he felt the man inhale sharply as the words woke him. Ludwig lifted his head, unsure for a moment of where he was, once he remembered he let out a gentle exhale and let his head fall back on the pillow.
They were in a lovely little Bed and Breakfast, an old building painted a soft yellow. It looked like sunshine…
He remembered how happy the Italian had become at the sight of it, and the warm smile he had shown to the old couple who owned the place, and how accepting they had seemed when Feliciano had blurted out ‘We want to be sharing a double room’.
There was a knock at the small white door, the one Ludwig had hit his head on twice during the night, “Yes?” Ludwig said quietly, shifting himself up on the bed slightly. The grey haired landlady slowly opened the door, wearing the same red apron as she had been the last time Ludwig had seen her, she smiled at the sight of the two men snuggled together on the bed.
“Breakfast will be ready in half an hour,” she said quietly, noting the half-asleep state of both men.
Ludwig nodded, “Thank you, miss,” he mumbled, his voice cracking a little.
He cleared his throat and looked down at the Italian, “Feliciano… We have to get up.”
The brunette nodded gently, letting out a sleep filled hum, he lifted himself up, pressing himself against his boyfriend and gifting him with a kiss on the chest. Ludwig nuzzled a kiss into Feliciano’s hair, then turned himself and placed his feet on the pale blue carpet.
Feliciano watched as the German left his side and began to dress himself. The sight of the man’s frame always took Feliciano’s breath away; the way the light of morning highlighted the groves in his skin, softening the few scars that were usually highlighted on him.
“What?” the German said with a smirk, Feliciano shrugged, not taking his eyes away from the larger man as he too removed himself from the bed.
They descended the two flights of stairs, admiring the beautiful set of paintings that hung on the walls, and they found themselves in the dining room, they the only people in the room spare one other couple, also both male.
Maybe that was why the elderly couple had been so friendly, maybe this was a common spot for homosexual couples, which would be odd as he and Feli had chosen this place on a whim.
The two other men looked to see who had entered the room, they looked over the couple with an equally confused look, they too hadn’t expected the only other people to be here to be a gay couple.
They looked an odd couple, a red haired man wearing tinted glasses who seemed to be only a few inches taller than Feliciano, and one the same height as Ludwig. Ludwig frowned looking at him; he had a hideous burn over one side of his face.
Knowing what Feli’s reaction would be, Ludwig held out a hand to grab the man’s arm, “Be polite,” he growled gently.
Feliciano stared at the man, his eyes wide, he seemed to listen to what Ludwig had said, but he let out a tiny squeak of terror at the man’s marred appearance.
The man’s eyes dropped to the floor, and he let out a small sigh, his partner, the ginger man grasped the man’s burned hand and whispered something in a soothing voice, the two of them quickly found a table on the other side of the room and sat down.
“Feliciano,” Ludwig groaned gently, “That was rude, apologise.”
The Italian turned to Ludwig, his eyes widened with terror, “But Ludwig,” he whispered, “His face, it’s so weird, what do you think happened, why is his face like that?”
Ludwig shushed him sharply, “Maybe if you apologise, and are nice, he may let you ask him.”
Feliciano looked over tentatively, “Ok…” he removed himself from Ludwig’s shadow, approaching the couple, who seemed to shy away as he came to them.
“Excuse me…” the small man said gently, holding a hand up in greeting.
The ginger man frowned at Feliciano, holding tightly onto his boyfriend’s hand, “What?” he asked through his teeth.
The Italian glanced back at Ludwig, watching as the man approached and placed a hand on his shoulder, urging him wordlessly to continue talking. “I-I wanted to apologise for, uh, for my actions. But I’ve never seen someone with an injury like that before, I got scared I’m sorry.”
“Very good, Feliciano,” Ludwig said with a gentle smile.
The German man turned to leave, thinking that should be the end of their exchange, but Feliciano stood fast, saying swiftly, “Does it hurt?”
The ginger man smiled at his partner, giving the man’s hand another squeeze, saying gently, “He’s being nice.”
The man with the burned face grunted gently, looking up at the Italian man, answering his question, “It used to hurt, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”
Feliciano nodded, he still didn’t move away, he stood staring at the man. “Feli,” Ludwig said gently to coax his partner away.
The ginger man cocked his head, his green eyes sparkling with a sudden curiosity now he was no longer worried of the brunette’s intention, “That’s an interesting accent. Where are you two from?”
Feli looked back at Ludwig, gaining a nod of approval, he turned back and smiled widely, “Well I’m from Perugia in Italy and Ludwig’s from Nuremburg in Germany.”
The ginger smiled widely, “Harvey and me are from Gotham… it about 7 hours south. How did you two meet? I mean, from Germany to Italy, that’s quite a long way to go.”
“It’s a long story,” Ludwig smiled happily, wrapping his arm around the smaller man, “What did you say your name was?”
“Edward Nigma,” the man smiled, holding out a hand to shake the German’s own.
“Ludwig Beilschmidt,” the German said, taking the man’s hand and shaking it firmly. As he took the hand the burned man let out a soft grunt, a warning and a greeting simultaneously.
Ludwig smiled politely, “Feliciano, I think we should go,” he said as an acknowledgement of the man’s discomfort.
Feliciano frowned, pulling out one of the wooden chairs, “But we can sit here, there is space, talking to them will be nice!”
Edward smiled up at the blonde German, holding out a hand and gesturing to the empty chairs, “We don’t mind. Harvey said he wants to meet new people.” Ludwig nodded and reluctantly took a seat, Feliciano squirming on the seat next to him, still eyeing the burned man.
“What was your name?” Feli asked him, leaning his elbows on the table, smiling warmly.
“Harvey,” the man said, his was voice a cold growl that made Feliciano shudder, but he returned the soft smile, so Feliciano assumed that was simply how he spoke.
“I’ve not met anyone called Harvey before, that’s a lovely name, what’s your job Harvey?”
Harvey frowned slightly, he had to focus to understand what the small man was saying; his accent and talking speed made him so hard to understand. “I’m… uh, we he gestured between himself and Edward, run a business together, of sorts.”
Edward chuckled, moving his arm to run it over Harvey’s leg, the limb jolting away as the old woman approached with 4 plates of food.
She played off their names from memory as she placed the plates in front of the men, “Mr. Beischmidt,” Ludwig’s eyes widened at the large heap of food he received, it seemed too much for one person. “Mr. Vargas,” she placed down Feliciano’s food, and the boy let out a ‘Ve’ of happiness. “Mr. Dent,” Harvey nodded gently in thanks as she placed down his food, “And finally, Eddie,” sha smiled widely at the ginger man, who tilted his head up to smile at her.
“Thank you, Mrs Preer. This looks lovely. How’s Frank?” he said warmly, incredibly friendly with the old woman, Ludwig guessed he must have know her for a fair while.
“We’ve found out he’s got a bit of a dickey heart,” the old woman said, sounding disheartened, “But it’s ok, he’s on pills for it.”
Edward’s smile dropped into a deep frown, “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, if you need any help around here I can always chip in, and I’m sure Harvey wouldn’t mind coming round more often.”
The old lady smiled in thanks, “That’s ok sweety, I wouldn’t ask that of you, and I know how much your boyfriend hates our cat…”
Feliciano gasp loudly, “There’s a kitty here?!”
“It’s not a kitty, it’s a demon,” Harvey growled.
The old lady held out her hand and tapped Harvey on the shoulder, “Mr Twitch is no demon, you’re just too cold to him.”
“May I see him?” Feliciano squeaked, already on his feet. The old woman led him to the kitchen, and he sped off after her, saying “Yay! Here kitty, kitty!”
Ludwig blushed, holding back a smile, “…He likes cats,” he said gently.
The old woman let out a short laugh, “Oh I think he’s sweet, just like Eddie when he was younger.” She looked down at the ginger man who in return smiled and blushed, receiving a squeeze of the hand from his boyfriend.
Feliciano came back into the room, holding a fluffy pale cream cat, “Ludwig, Ludwig, look, he looks like Ivan’s cat.”
“Yes, Feli, very gorgeous,” Ludwig said with a smile, lifting his hand to tickle the cat’s chin. The cat purred happily, but soon began to grow uneasy as it noticed Harvey.
Feliciano let out a gentle ‘hmm’ at the cats reaction to the man, “Oh kitty,” he said, taking a step towards Harvey and noticing the cats reaction, “Are you scared of him? He’s nice really, kitty, he just looks scary!” The cat began to growl, and Feliciano hushed him, slowly moving closer, soon enough he was standing less than a step away, and the cat stayed calm.
“Say Buongiorno, kitty,” Feli said gently, holding the cat and making it hold it’s paw out, touching Harvey’s face softly. The cat started to growl again and he retracted it.
Harvey smiled gently, letting out a nervous laugh, “He didn’t scratch me.”
Feliciano nodded, stroking the cat and bouncing it gently, “Yes you just need to be gentle and nice, like Ludwig!” he looked over at his boyfriend, “You’re always gentle and nice.”
Edward scoffed, looking up at the man and the cat, admiring the mans way with the animal. “When are you here ‘til?”
Ludwig answered the question, as Feli was distracted by the cat, “We leave Monday.”
Harvey nodded, “This is our last day here.”
“You come here often?” Ludwig asked, remembering how friendly Edward had been with the old woman.
“Yeah,” Harvey answered, watching as Edward stole a strip of bacon from his plate, then sliding the rest over too, watching Edward’s face beam as he did, “Edward knows Mrs Preer from his childhood.”
“She lived next door to us,” Edward said with a mouth full of food, “Used to give us sweets through the garden fence.”
“Well you deserved it after what that father of yours did,” the old lady said from the door frame, crossing her arms, her eyes not leaving the Italian man who was playing with her cat.
Edward hummed, “Yes, I’d rather keep that out of conversation though if we could…” he frowned gently, receiving a smile and an ‘I love you’ from Harvey, to which Edward cocked his head, “What was that look for?”
Harvey’s soft smile continued to play on his face, “I love when you talk all posh.”
“Posh?” Edward frowned, “I’m not talking posh, I’m just talking.”
Harvey shook his head gently, “You always put on a posh voice when you’re insulted or upset.”
Edward frowned and turned his head to Ludwig, “Did I put on a posh voice?”
Ludwig’s eyes widened slightly, he had hoped to not be pulled into a lovers tiff, but they had dragged him in anyway. “Uh,” he ran his hand through his blonde hair, “Your accent did change a little,” he confessed.
Edward’s frown contorted slightly in astonishment, “It did not.”
Ludwig nodded, biting his lip a little, “You sounded almost southern a minute ago…”
Edward crossed his arms and leaned back on his chair, “…Shut up,” he mumbled, forcing his voice to return to normal.
Harvey smiled all-knowingly, and Ludwig turned his head to his boyfriend, who was still playing with the cat, “Aren’t you going to eat? We’ve all almost finished.”
“Oh,” the man said, suddenly remembering his food, and how hungry he was, “Yes.” He gently dropped the cat to the floor, and took his seat, practically inhaling his food.
“You’ll choke,” Harvey smirked at the small man, watching him eat faster than he had seen any one else do.
Ludwig shook his head, “He’s always like this, I can train him out of it, his brother’s the same.”
Feliciano soon finished his breakfast, leaning back with a sigh, he looked over to his boyfriend, “What are we doing today?” he asked sweetly, smiling his usual happy smile.
Ludwig shrugged, “I thought we could go for a walk by the lake, it looks lovely up there.”
“It is,” Edward and Harvey said simultaneously, turning once they had spoken and smiling to each other, Edward blushing lightly, “We’ve had many great walks up there…”
Harvey chuckled, “It really is beautiful,” he said with a growl.
Feliciano cocked his head, noticing the change in tone, he gave a gentle exhale and looked up at his boyfriend, “We could take a picnic.” His eyes widened suddenly, “Oh please can we take a picnic, it’ll be just like our first date was!”
Ludwig blushed and chuckled, remembering back to their first date, and remembering how it had ended, maybe it would end similarly this time. “Sure Feli, just try not to get sun burned this time.”
Feliciano giggled, he had brought sun-cream this time, his head filled with the thought of his boyfriend spreading it on him, as he had done with the after-sun lotion after their first date.
Harvey looked at the clock on the wall, then over to his boyfriend, “Edward, we’ve only got around an hour until the train comes.”
Edward sighed, uncrossing his arms and scooping the last of his food into his mouth, “Fine.” Harvey got to his feet, pulling Edward with him, pulling him into a close embrace that made Feliciano let out an ‘aww’. “It was lovely meeting you two,” he said as they began to walk away.
“Yes!” Feliciano shouted happily, “Maybe we’ll see each other again.”
Ludwig gave the man an affectionate nudge, “We won’t Feli, they’re going back to Gotham.”
Feliciano’s smile drooped a little, “Oh,” he sighed, “That’s a shame.”
Ludwig nodded, he too got to his feet, Feliciano following the action, “Shall we buy some food for this picnic?”
Feliciano nodded, pulling himself to Ludwig’s side and giving him a soft kiss, “Uh-huh… can we get chicken-basil pasta, and strawberry jelly?”
Ludwig nodded, leading his boyfriend towards the front door, “Of course, what ever you want leibling.”
They walked into the sun bathed front garden, Feliciano sighed happily, inhaling the scent of the summer. Ludwig watched Feliciano walk through the garden, stopping every now and then to admire a flower or a bug.
Feliciano was always happy, but for once his surroundings seemed to reflect it, the scene made Ludwig’s heart race and heat come to his face, this was what being in love felt like, with both a man and a place.
It was a shame, he thought, that this scene could not last forever.
He almost laughed when a second later the thought was confirmed, and Feliciano ran up to him in tears, yelling that a bee had stung him.